What do YOU Want?

By Derek Ayre


I'm going to make some sweeping statements.  To the degree they are true, they are also false. So don't believe a word of what you are about to read. This essay is designed to make you think. To make you work things out for yourself through confusion and controversy. 

To NOT know specifically what one wants, is a sure way of never getting it! 

Re-read the above sentence.

The key word is 'specifically'. Many people only think they know what they want. They want more money, for instance. But they'll never get to feel they have enough money simply because more  money will always mean more money, no matter how much money they've accumulated. This may explain why millionaires never seem to stop working.  Or does it?  They might love their work more than their wealth. 


"So you  want a better home! Car! Spouse!"

When you have a better home, car, spouse and so on, will you then really feel totally satisfied and fulfilled? 

I doubt it because you have hypnotized yourself with the key word 'better'.

Better always means better no matter how much better you get!  There's no way out. If you chase 'better', your life will be about getting better. And you will spend much of your times turning your back on the things you've achieved simply because they won't mean very much. There will be an obsession with the illusive 'better'. 

So this is life. Not very appetizing it it?

So what it available to us? Years and years of frustration coming from unfulfilled desires and ambitions which will only cease when we die? 

Yes and no.  We have to realize that life is a process of evolution. It is a Cosmic Law that everything has to grow and develop. There is no growth and development without a sort of 'fuel'. That fuel is desire. A desire or a goal that is realized, brings a feeling of fulfilment. But that feeling is transient. It devolves to a feeling of  'so what?' For instance, you have just taken delivery of a brand new car, when you first drive it out of the show room, your senses are full of the newness, and you feel excited. Perhaps like a king driving down the road.  But what about a month from now when you feel the frustration of being stuck in a traffic queue, or your shiny new car has got a scratch  on the paintwork that you've resigned yourself t?. Ownership of the car has become 'so what?'

So the first thing you need to know about self-development is that it's constant. It goes on until the day you die, whether you like it or not. There is always  some improvement you will be wanting to make. Goals are no more than stepping stones on the journey through life. Ambition is the driving force towards these goals. And the only thing you get out of it is the transient satisfaction with the achievement of each step. 

Oh you can take a rest and admire your achievements from time to time, but don't spend too long in that oasis, it will soon become  familiar and boring.  

So the 'secret'  is to move with  the force of evolution. It is a force of nature much more powerful than your willpower. It's much easier to 'go with the flow'.  Be willing to engage in the process of change. Stop clinging to past achievements, because they are achievements no more. They have slipped back into the annals of time. 

Let go of the 'good old days' when life was good. Believe me, it probably wasn't that good. No, come to think of it, don't believe me, work it out for yourself. 

It is surprising how many people find themselves in this condition of uncertainty. To counteract this sorry state of affairs, a person needs to develop a strong sense of commitment in the face of sometimes huge resistance from conditioned negative feelings. Positive thinking, belief and hope are popularly regarded as antidotes to such negativity, but alas they are often ineffective. 

Through this articles, I have attempted to show you how to work through negativity. The first step is to develop a stronger sense of commitment. Commitment is what transforms lives, not just hope and belief. So do not blindly believe what is written here. This is a Zen-like wake-up call!!! 


This article is not meant to be pychotherapeutic in nature and should not be treated as such. If you feel you need help, you are advised to contact a competent therapist.

© Copyright 2000. Derek Ayre. All Rights Reserved.

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