by Derek Ayre
The majority of clients who I deal with are suffering as a result of a severe "inner critic". Symptoms can range from severe phobias to deep depression. The resolution lies in the power of acceptance, for if we resist our experience, we will not get rid of it, but suppress it...
Teachers and parents originally formulate the inner critic in the mind of a young child that is the antithesis of the power of acceptance. It is not that these "authorities" are wrong in their teaching, because we have all be subjected to these teachings that have its origins in the earliest annals of society. In fact, it isn't until we can recognise that "right and wrong" are value judgements that in many instances, have no credence in reality, that we can apply the power of acceptance and move on.
Take the example of a young boy who in his early years witnesses a strange ritual of getting rewarded for keeping his bed dry at night. He would be subjected to statements such as "There's a good boy!" and "You'll be having some treats!" And then if on an odd occasion he has an accident, he is subjected to a scolding. In other words he is rejected and has to "be good" in order to gain approval.
As the child grows into an adult, the outer critic (the parental/teacher) becomes an inner critic - a stream of nagging thoughts (shouldism) that in extreme cases of anxiety, goes on and on and on... For example his mind may say, "If I do such and such, something will bad happen.", "BecauseI did/said such and such, I ought to be ashamed of myself!"
Acceptance is what we all crave. Rejection, is what we all dread, regardless of how we interpret the two words. But... The resolution?.The power of acceptance.
Every thought, good or bad is part of us. If we can reach True understanding and recognise that there is no "part", that we are "at-one", we will recognise that when we try to reject an undesirable thought/feeling, we are trying to reject ourselves.
A good analogy here would be a glass full of water. What part of the water is good or bad? If we try and get out the bad, we will throw away the good. If we stir the bad (e.g.mud) at the bottom, it will contaminate the clear water for a while, but will always settle again and always be part of the water, but if we ignore it and pretend it's not there, we'll keep stirring it up with our resistance. Our bodies' are ninety per cent water, and our spirits move just like water (fluid) and then there's the truth that there is no separation. Body, mind and spirit are really one to be in harmony with it, focus, accept and observe all that is part of it.
To accept a person exactly the way he/she is, will mellow and transform that person. To reject him/her will embitter and cause hatred that will be directed to him/herself or others.
Rejection was something that was feared more than death by execution in primitive societies. So perhaps now, it can be understood just how powerful these two actions are.
Care need to be taken here not to confuse acceptance with indulgence.
Acceptance means to acknowledge, observe and where appropriate communicate - communication by writing or speaking can aid clarification. But one must feel "safe" with the recipient of such a communication.
Indulgence means to react to/on the thoughts/impulses. This means to either deny it and punish yourself for thinking such a thing, or give in to the urges and impulses thus hurting self or others.
Acceptance is doing nothing. Just being. Being with the inner situation. Observing it at deeper and deeper levels and gaining an insight into the way that you got it constructed. And at some point during the process, you will be able to "destructure" it and a transformation will take place. It will be replaced by a more positive attitude that you can choose.
Because, the inner critic is so ingrained in the subconscious mind, acceptance takes practice, and sometimes needs the guidance of a therapist. This is because paradox on top of paradox can occur in the process and cause confusion.
Thanks for reading.
Please note: Derek Ayre is a participant in Associates Programs, which are affiliate advertising programs designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking
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